I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
