thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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