dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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