Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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