so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just forgot I was standing up.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
