i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize