just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
