He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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