When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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