I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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