Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.