Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.