i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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