If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
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I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
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You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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