I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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