Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
