I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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