whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
