Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
