so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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