apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
