The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
