i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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