Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
