wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i believe in u and ur pee
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
