I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
