Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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