i jhust puked up my retainher.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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