capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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