If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Randomize
