just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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