I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
