we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize