If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
