I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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