when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
