Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
