I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
