Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
