she told me i tasted like america
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
