just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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