He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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