my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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