I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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