There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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