I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
