i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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