What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
