party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
