I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
