My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
