I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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