The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
