So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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