I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
