so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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