and i looked up. we had an audience...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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