There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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