There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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