i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
