margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
