At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
