I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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