Church boner. Awkwardddd
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
