Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
